Here Goes Everything

This is a project that I have been thinking about for quite some time, but have never had the push to follow through with. I have been hesitant to share my writing and my ideas with the internet world, and up until now I have recognized that fear as something that was too powerful for me to overcome. So I pushed this project aside and moved on.

But as my life continues to be a series of up and downhill events that wash over me in waves, I find that there’s something missing in my learning process. Being the conscientious and self-aware person that I am, I try my hardest to learn from every situation that crosses my path. That’s a model that I have done my best to follow for many years, and I find that my learning process comes in stages. Those stages are usually: shock/sometimes denial if the situation is negative, followed by intense emotion, reflection and judgment, and then moving forwards with what I’ve learned. Throughout this process I rely heavily on my own intuition, the people close to me who I confide in and trust, and in writing.

I have always loved writing and the process that comes along with it. Since I was young, I’ve loved books and reading with an intense devotion that I haven’t found in many other things. When I stumble across beautiful writing, in any context, I fall in love with the words and the way that they make me feel. Writing is one of the most beautiful things that humans have to offer for each other and for themselves, whether it be short stories, poetry, essays, songwriting, or scribbles on a sticky note. In my daily personal writings in my journal, I try to recreate those feelings that have struck my heart. For me, writing is therapeutic and healing. It helps me to understand and categorize my feelings when I don’t fully understand them myself.

I have a natural inclination to help people, regardless of if I know them or not. I have what some would call a bleeding heart – I care for people deeply and I strive to be a healer. I have encountered trauma in my life, and I know many close to me who have as well. My goal for this project is, to put it bluntly, use my writing in ways that can help. That can be done in any number of ways, whether it be putting a smile on someone’s face, helping them to understand their own feelings through reading my personal experiences, or to simply spark a new thought in someone’s mind. I figure that if reading and writing can be so therapeutic for me, then surely it must be the same for many people that I know? And that, folks, is why we’re both here.

I want this project to be a space where I can be comfortable writing all my thoughts and ideas that pop through my head on a daily basis. As of now, I plan on being extremely open and upfront with my own experiences and feelings, and this may be hard for some people to read and understand. I am sorry about that. But I want this to be a safe space where no one, including myself, has to fear the vulnerability that we all must allow ourselves to experience sometimes. Above all, I want this to be a space of learning and understanding. I will strive to turn my experiences and thoughts into stories that people can understand and relate to, and in doing so perhaps I will help someone connect with themselves in a deep and understanding way.

I can’t promise that I will post quickly and regularly; life happens and I have learned to just go with it. But I can promise that I will post with honesty, kindness, and I will keep my promise of making this a safe space. And I can promise that I will answer any and all responses to my posts as promptly as I can. If you are here, thank you. I now place the contents of my wild head in your hands. I hope you enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoy writing it.


C.

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